How nice to sit in my den on a cold and blustery day and look out on the Smoky Mountains!  A day off to relax and deal with insurance companies.  As my clients know, I always try to get all your visits covered by insurance or EAP benefits.  I don't like people to have to pay cash for therapy for mental health because, in my opinion, a holistic approach to heath in optimal!  Mind/Body connection.

Today I listened to a podcast on resentments.  Bill Wilson, of Alcoholics Anonymous, claimed that RESENTMENT was the number one offender that led to relapsing to compulsive drinking after a period of sobriety.  Having a resentment is letting someone live "rent free in your head."  The resentment does not hurt the other person, per se, but it sure hurts us!  So how do we deal with grievances?.

I am not a big proponent of the forgiveness theory proposed to us by religion.  I, myself, will not forgive someone who has hurt me DEEPLY unless they have come to me and tried to make amends.  I take a more philosophical approach to resentments.  I think about life.  Life can be HARD.  I think about people.  People are trying to cope with life being hard.  People with good coping skills and a well-wired nervous system appear to deal with life realistically and with constraint.  High strung, troubled, non-reflective people tend to act impulsively and in their own self-interest.  Those being motivated by their own desire to always be "on top" will trample on feelings and rights of others.  They can be narcissistic, mean, selfish, ignorant or just plain lazy.  "Me first" is their motto and if you "get in their way", they will push you aside and stomp your feelings, dreams, property or loved ones.  Unfortunately, there are many such people around and many of us get hurt.

I am now speaking hypothetically as (thank God) this has never happened to me, but say another woman had designs on my husband and decided to do her best to destroy my marriage (as a therapist I have had many such cases through the years).  I find out about it and my husband confesses to chatting up this person and getting a bit closer than he should have (not talking infidelity here because that is a far greater pain and indiscretion). Everyone likes a bit of attention!
I would not forgive this woman for trying to start something with MY husband.  I  would think that life is hard and she was looking to "get for herself" something that I had and in her "selfishness" she went to grab mine.  I would see it has human, mean, conniving and selfish.  I would work to not make an issue of it and as long as I felt content that my husband was happy and wanting to be with me, I would move beyond it.  I would have no relationship with this woman and not think well of her.  Trust me, I would not forgive her.

So, that little example is how I work resentments through.  If I resent people in my family I move away or I learn to say "NO" in cases where I feel they are taking advantage of me.  Today I know I am nobody's banker, no ones slave, no ones door mat.  I safeguard my boundaries and stay away from selfish people.  I have an imaginary scissor with which I easily cut the ties that bind me to those who would hurt me.  My approach is a bit different but after sitting with clients year after year and hearing the horrid stories of abuse perpetrated upon them by other people, I came to believe that forgiveness was not only unnecessary but often extremely destructive and harmful for my clients.  

F41.1......what does this mean?  To the Diagnostic and Statistical and Statistical Manual of Mental Disorders (DSM-5) code for GENERALIZED ANXIETY DISORDER.  At conferences all over the country, therapists are talking about post election anxiety and depression in clients.  Semi-retired?  Forget about it!  Dr. Ginger and I are seeing more clients than we ever did.  People are feeling scared, hopeless, afraid, suicidal (yes, suicidal - lots of them).

It does not matter what side of the coin one votes, the feelings are the same.  These are uncertain times for many.  In my state alone, we have had so many young adults under the age of 20, take their own lives it is incredible.  I can only imagine the hopelessness these young people were feeling.

To my way of thinking....life has always been hard.  Life is a challenge....a great puzzle that we have to keep finding the pieces for.  Trouble comes when we isolate with these problems.  We start to use maladaptive coping mechanisms such as food, drugs, alcohol, gambling, sexual deviance.  These only make things worse.  In these times, I can't express how helpful therapy can be.  We need to talk out our fears and anxieties.  We need to have hope.  The world is still beautiful when we look in the right places!!!  Hugs and love!!!

Good morning!  The sun is bright on the mountains and it is a gorgeous day!  I am loving life and enjoying a cup of coffee on my deck.  It has been so long since I have written on this blog due to being busy in the office.  In my last post, I was considering Suboxone as a possible route to helping with the opiate problem.  I can no longer contemplate this.  With Subutex and Suboxone becoming the drug of choice for many addicts, I do believe abstinence is the best model.  Coming off Suboxone is a bad as coming off opiates.  My colleague Kristin Belcher, FNP can aid in facilitating withdrawal but there is no treatment that will work like abstinence and 12 step recovery.  So, I am on record now.  I have looked at Suboxone and found it switching one drug for another.  Vivitrol injections are given once a month to prevent some cravings and make one very sick if they use.  This can be a good adjunct to abstinence based recovery and, at this point, I am pro Vivitrol for those who need added incentive not to use.  There is always hope for the addict.  Reach out for help.

I am seeing more and more children in the practice.  How I love their eager faces and inquiring minds.  They love our mountain view and Dr. "Ginger" as my co-therapist.  As adults we SO NEED TO BE STABLE FOR OUR CHILDREN.  What havoc we bring to their lives, with constant moving, mood swings, partners in and out of our lives.  Keep it stable, serene, truthful and safe for our kids.  They need us desperately!  And to all my BIG KIDS (adults I counsel) you fill my heart with joy and I thank you for allowing me to be your life guide.  We will find answers in our partnership together!

Today is just about 2 months since I retired from Drug Court to devote myself full-time in my 2 Kodak offices.  I am so happy to report the office has filled up quickly and I am enjoying helping a diverse group of amazing people find their way to serenity, peace and acceptance.  I am so grateful I spent 7 long years in the halls of academia obtaining the degrees necessary to provide me with the tools to counsel.  Such a blessing.

That being said, it has been a week of enormous loss in the lives of my clients and friends.  Death of children (2 in 1 family), betrayals, disappointments, dealing with childhood wounds and the constant, ongoing nightmare of addiction to alcohol, pills and other drugs.  I am teaming up with some other professionals in the community to look at help for the hard core addicts; the ones who can't seem to get it via traditional treatment and 12 step programs.  It is new terrain for me but I have seen too many wonderful kids dragged back to jail because the just "could not stop using."  The last conference I attended in Murfreesboro for the Association of Drug Court Professionals put me in touch with the work of Dr. Lloyd from the VA in Johnson City.  His lecture opened my mind and I am exploring new alternatives for treatment for my clients.  Contact me if you need assistance with this.

Today was a week, as I alluded to before, filled with tons of "life on life's terms."  It can be hard.  Sometimes I can only be with you and pass you the tissue box as my heart breaks with yours.  There are not always answers for what happens in life.  In those instances, I just try to climb down in that deep, dark pit my clients are in to support them and help them not feel so alone.  We connect and reflect on LIFE and we think of the countless people who have come before us and weathered such intense storms.  It is called being HUMAN.  Whether we like it or not....life happens.  Sometimes it hurts like a bitch!!!!  Love you!

The sun is shining so brilliantly and the mountains call us to head for a walk!  Must make some time to walk my puppies out on the rolling terrain.  Thinking today of love and loss and grieving; as many of my friends and clients are hurting.  What can we really say about human suffering?  There are many lenses we can examine suffering through: religious, philosophical, educational, karmic.  However pain is pain and it hurts and it makes cry and ache.  I think rejection and death of a loved one are the worst pain we can experience.  As human beings, social creatures, we all long to belong to various groups.  We want acceptance and love and tolerance.  People who can't gain acceptance along socially acceptable avenues sometimes gravitate to negative attentions.  Drugs, alcohol, deviant sexual behaviors, crime, etc.  Oftentimes when examined, these behaviors are simply an attempt to belong to a group, to gain love and acceptance in a way that is open to explore when other paths are closed.

Death of a child is stated to be the most grievous of losses.  I can only imagine when I think of how I collapse when I lose a pet.  A child.....unspeakable.  They  WHY?  WHY does an innocent child have to suffer and why must the parents have to feel this absolute horror.  I do not believe any institutional thought can truly give us these answers.  Our universe can be random doling out storms and adversities we can never quite understand; Katrina and Nazi Germany come to mind.

Rejection!  I remember when my dad died.  I was 4 years old and it was very sudden.  My mom brought me to the neighbors house and led me to the kiddie pool.  The children that day decided they did not want little DOREEN in the pool.  Who knows why?  Kids can be mean.  However, the devastation that created in me lasted me my whole lifetime.  My dad had just passed and I was so raw and sensitive and now a group of my peers - 4 years old and up - did not want me.  It hurt to make an imprint so deep that I am still talking about it at 65 years old.  It was the first of many such rejection.  Rejection.  I don't even like the word.

Today I will think to be kind with all my friends, family and acquaintances.  Life is hard enough without meanness.  I hope you feel loved and secure today.  For today....I feel warm, loved and protected with my family, pets and friends.  Be safe and nurture  yourself today.  Do something special for you.  Remember MAN'S REJECTION IS GOD'S PROTECTION!!!!!

Wow!  The exquisite Smokies are blue today.  You can see the mountains distinctly behind a gray, white background.  So serene and lovely.  Nature does help to establish balance in the human heart.  Sometimes I long for the Long Island breathtaking oceans.  I am a New Yorker to the core.  I love the high spirited no bullshit people.  We say what is on our mind and we deal with it.  This is my 7th Christmas here in Tennessee and I simply adore some of the people.  Kindred souls: loving, inquiring, standing up for the less fortunate, and passionate.  I have made friends here in the South that I know will be a life long bond.  The spirituality of many here in the Bible Belt make them strive to be really good people.  How I love them!

I have learned a lot through working in the South: some of it very good and some of it awful.  Jobs are not numerous and management treats people like garbage!  I have seen really good people ushered to the door without a moment's notice - their belongings in a box and out they go!  I had occasion to feel so insulted, I packed my belongings and did what management usually does -  Adios Amigo!  Find someone else to wipe your boots on because you will never do it on me!  I have taught empowerment for 20 years and I'm not about to lose my power to anyone!  Mutual respect or nothing.  It's a New York thing!  Some still think it is ok to treat people like slaves.  That doesn't go down well with  Yankees!!

So, I will do what I do best!!!  Work for myself!!  Now if you need help with addiction...go to the 12 step rooms.  Immerse yourself in AA/NA and don't come up for air.  You will get all you need for addiction there.  Rehabs and treatment are money making arenas that simply get you ready to do AA/NA.  Addiction treatment is there.  Period.  Those who say it isn't are making money peddling "recovery".  Not good.

Good therapy will seldom be paid for by insurance.  Years ago, in the age of psychoanalysis, people came to therapy 3 times a week!!!  The mind and emotions were explored and celebrated.  Insurance came in and said to practitioners "cure them in 20 visits."  Some yes, some no.  I have had people with good insurance and they have been granted sufficient sessions to heal, but often that is not the case.  I hate insurance in all its forms. I studied with a therapist who was leaving the insurance business and he said often, "insurance is evil."  Not sure about that but in medicine and behavioral health it is insufficient at times.

Peaceful Mountain Counseling will attempt to offer people support and healing the old fashioned way.  Anxiety, depression, confusion, adjustment, transition, relationship issues, are all suitable for psychotherapy.  Referral for short-term detox and non chemical addiction treatment can be discussed.  Codependency help is encouraged.  Lifestyle changes and life coaching to help people make career and relationship changes is available.

May I never have to work for anyone who wants me to be on the computer more than with my clients.  Why is is different now?  I'm 65 and have Medicare.  No more need to worry about health insurance.  It's a wonderful thing.  

Have faith that you can get where you need to be and don't follow any "guru" who tries to tell you he/she has the answer to your life.  

God bless!  Doreen

Wow!!!  Time has passed so quickly!  I have spent the last year and one half working in the confines of the criminal justice system.  I was shocked to see the number of young people staring out at me from behind bars.  So very sad.  Unfortunately the State and agencies require so much paper work that it is difficult to give clients the time they need for healing, so I have retired from criminal justice/agency work to devote myself full-time at my private office.  I am excited about this and will have more and more commentary on drugs/addiction/relationships etc as I settle into my new life of semi-retirement!!!

Ah....the joys of waking up to a mountain view.  Every morning there is a new creation to look at.  This morning, as I sip my coffee, the mountains are very smoky!!  The blue sky and cumulus puff of cotton lend the mood to be very relaxing.  Soon the hot Southern sun will pierce the horizon and we will be running to tend our bird nests.  We have 2 bird houses with nests being constructed and one bird house (new affixed to our window) where we will be able to view the process of egg to hatchlings!  So cool.

Been trying to arrange some flights up North but the tickets are so high!!  American and Delta fly non-stop to our airport and US Airways even stops at Islip.  August 31st is a definite for my grandson's wedding but the other occasions....I'm not so sure.  I love New York with all my heart, but at this stage of my life (may we call it the autumn of my life) Tennessee fits me well.  Now....if only friends and family would move down.  That would be perfect!!  Right.....as a psychotherapy practice....perfect is definitely not a good word!!!  Leads to anxiety disorders and depression!!  So, let's forget I said that.

Several months ago I fell in love with a painting.  It captures the theme of friendship, support, strength, love and trust.  I was able to buy it this morning!!!  Yay!!! I will try to post a pic and if I can't we will get the talented Robert to do it for me.  Love and God bless.....
Doreen

Getting started!  Hey...look who has a website.  Do you know how much I love my grandson, Robert.  From the first minute I laid eyes on him, I knew he would be a genius!  I guess all grandparents feel that way but my boy is one as evidenced by building Granny her website.
Today was a stormy day in Eastern Tennessee! The lightening rocketed through the sky and danced over the mountains with all the raw nature and power of the Divine.  The dogs shook and the cats hid.  I took a day for me and had an hour and a half massage at Smoky Mountain Massage in Pigeon Forge, located right across from Dollywood.

Just before arriving at the massage salon, I passed the Big Bear Log Cabin where I frolicked with the Sister's of the Rainbow team 2 years ago.  How time passes and how I miss the sisterhood we shared.
I am finishing up my criminal justice job for Helen Ross McNabb and going on the join the 4th Judicial Drug Court serving Cocke, Sevier, Grainger and Jefferson Counties.  Our office is a log cabin on 16 acres and we will do our best to beat the problem of addiction down with all our might.  Great team:  Judge Sloane, Judge Hooper, Patty Williams, Thomas Hohenwal and Sherry Gwyn.

It is good to be alive!  Thank you for reading my post!